A Conversation with Heidi Clements

I had the absolute pleasure of speaking with Heidi Clements, TV Producer and Writer, known for the hit show Baby Daddy. You might also know her from her amazing storytelling on both Instagram and TikTok @welcometoheidi. On social media, she is known for her authenticity and pro-ageing attitude. It’s rare for me to follow anyone I don’t personally know, but her stories instantly hooked me on her content - they feel incredibly authentic and raw. On top of her amazing content, she was an absolute pleasure to speak to, so I hope you enjoy this conversation on the film industry, ageing, social media, and life advice.

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Hi, Heidi. Thank you for taking the time out of your day for this conversation. So, I know even before blowing up on social media, you built your career in screenwriting. My project is all about how screen media, such as TV shows, has helped perpetuate ageist stereotypes. I wanted to see, what role do you believe screen media has played in the ageism that we see today?‍

I mean, I think it’s really sad that there aren’t a lot of shows about women - in particular in their 50s. I used to work on a show called Baby Daddy which was all about young people and, when it ended, I decided to only write about women over 50. That’s since 2017 and I’ve not been able to sell a project yet and I have about five different scripts that I’ve written about women over 50. I think people are afraid to tell stories about women over 50, for some reason, despite the fact that any time a television show was made about women over 50 it’s always been successful. So I think the problem is not that people don’t want to see it, I think the problem is that the people who are in charge of making programs don’t want to deal with their own ageism and their own aging and so they don’t want to see it on television.

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Right. That actually is a really great segue to the next question: As a TV writer and producer, of course, would you say that the ageism in the film industry has gotten better since you started?

Yeah, it really has gotten better because now there are shows like Grace and Frankie, which is about women in their 80s, and there are movies about older women. Not just in movies and television, but also on the runway. Recently, there were so many fashion shows that used women over 40 in their runways. I think we’re definitely starting to see a change. And we’re starting to see, you know, women like supermodel Paulina Porizkova, who talks often about ageism. And I think we’re starting to see things change in the beauty industry, in the fashion industry, and lastly will be the television industry because I think that most people who buy programming think that young people don’t want to watch stories about older women. And I think my social media accounts prove that wrong because almost all of my followers are under 35.

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Definitely. Yeah, I heard you talking about your demographic in a different podcast, and I found that really interesting. Do you see other creators in your space that are doing something similar?

I mean, I see a lot of women that do stuff about ageing. I don’t see them doing it exactly the same way that I do it but there’s lots of us out there that are preaching ‘we are not dead.’ There’s a lot of life in you when you hit 50 and I think what’s most interesting for me about the decade of 60s, which is what I’m in now, is that you finally really become the person you were always meant to be without all of society’s rules being placed on you. You finally stop giving a fuck about what everybody else thinks.

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Definitely. And I'm sure plenty of other people that also work in the industry, is this an ongoing conversation that you have with them?

No, actually, it should be a conversation I have with them. But every time I’ve tried to pitch to people in the industry, they don’t want to hear it. Actresses, for sure, want to hear it, and people say they want to make these shows, but then they just don’t. We’ll see. I hope things are changing. I really do because I really want to make my version of The Golden Girls, and I think that would be really fun and well-received.

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Right. Well, I'm sure that as your account grows, and I'm sure more executives will see, just that there's an audience for this, and the people are interested. So having kind of, not switched, but now dipping your toes in both traditional media and social media. How do you see the role of traditional versus social media evolving and challenging societal norms around aging?

I think that- I had a hard time. It’s hard to reach young people through traditional television or movies. If you make a movie about somebody my age, they may not go to see it. But the fact that I can speak directly to them as a character - I am my own character - I think I’m sort of reverse engineering the concept. So you get to know me first and not what my show is about. And I think that I’m sort of bucking the traditional system of how things get made, maybe. So they get to know me and like me as a character.

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Yeah, and speaking on also your demographic and the people that follow you. The internet can be a pretty awful place. But from what I've seen, at least, your community seems to be quite warm and welcoming. Has it always been like that?‍

I’m a lucky, lucky girl. It has always been like that. I don’t know how I got so lucky. I think maybe it’s because I am unapologetically authentic with who I am. And so it’s pretty obvious that you can’t say anything to hurt me. It does hurt me sometimes. And the bad comments are so few and far between. I feel very lucky about that. And I feel like it’s a sign that maybe I’m doing the right thing. I’d say so.

I'd say so. I think I've seen very few comment sections that look like yours does.

I know, it’s crazy, it really is. It’s such a gift. It really is such a beautiful gift I have to say.

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And when you do get those few negative comments, do you react to those?

I usually repost them and make fun of them because my followers usually handle it for me.

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Fair enough. That's what I would expect for sure.

The only comments that I get that upset me lately are about being Jewish. I think that people think if you’re Jewish, it means that you are okay with people dying in Palestine. And of course I don’t feel that way. But, you know, I also feel that we’ve completely forgotten about what started this whole thing. So those comments upset me. I feel like they’re very ignorant. And I think social media is clearly not a place to talk about all of that because people are just filled with so much misinformation. It’s frightening. Those comments hurt me, but again, those are very few and far between. And those I delete and then I block them.

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Great. I think that's the perfect response. I also read in another interview where you said, “people think you're dead at 30, you're dead at 40, you're dead at 50. I'm 63 and just at the beginning of my Third Act.” First of all, I love that, but also, could you maybe share a moment or event that was pivotal in shaping that perspective on aging?

You know, I don’t know, it just kind of happened. It’s weird. You just sort of wake up on these significant birthdays and you feel different for some reason. You know, I really felt different the second I turned 40, the second I turned 50, and the second I turned 60. I think the thing that happened when I turned 60, which I’ve talked about, is my friends actually told me how important I was to them, which had never happened before in such an open way. And I think that helped me realize that I was important and I still had things to say. But the truth is, social media has reminded me that I’m not dead, that I have things to say, and that I have work to do for other people. I have lived a life that is unconventional and that might be helpful to other people. And so it really is the upside of these apps that are usually not kind. And so eye-opening that of all the places I’ve tried to talk about how I feel, from blogging to podcasting to Instagram, to all the things I tried in the past that were more traditional, this was the first time that I reached people who were actually listening and wanted to hear more.

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Right. And was that the motivation for you to start creating content?

No, I had no motivation, actually. A friend of mine who is an actress, named Krista Allen, switched over to TikTok because she wasn’t getting jobs and she was making money on TikTok. And she said, “I just think that I spend a lot of time with you, and I love all of the things that you have to say. And I think you would do well on TikTok.” So you can actually see the evolution of my account on TikTok because the first video was just me standing there with no words and no music. And then I started dancing, and then I started telling stories. And it was all because she kept urging me to do more and be more and step more into my own authenticity. And that’s how it evolved. People spend a lot of time worrying about the outcome. Don’t worry about the outcome. Just do it live. And what’s the worst that could happen? You fail and you get off, you know.

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Well, definitely tell your friend that we're all grateful she got you onto the platform. That's amazing. So, this last question, my mother is now in her late 50s and I see her grappling with the idea of aging. What is your main piece of advice you'd give to women over 50 to help them deal with aging?

You know, I think the problem in this country, in particular, but in the world, is in the messaging that we receive from the moment we’re born that old is bad. And that for women over 50, the reason why we become invisible is that someone has decided we are no longer sexually viable. And for some reason, women’s sexuality is the only thing they are worthy of being judged for. So, I guess I just say to really focus on caring less about what other people say. It doesn’t matter what other people say. It doesn’t matter what other people think about how you’re living your life. And to realize that you’ve lived most of your life based on some set of rules that you didn’t even make up, that someone else told you was the way that you were supposed to live your life. And now you have the opportunity to actually live your life the way you want to live it. My favorite quote is from Glennon Doyle in the book Untamed. Basically boiled down, she said your job in this life is to disappoint as many people as necessary to avoid disappointing yourself. And I think after 50, you should stop disappointing yourself and start living for yourself. It’s not selfish. I mean, maybe it’s selfish, but selfish can be a good word.